Heidi's Testimony...
Heb. 13:5-6
I will never leave you nor forsake you
I’ve felt alone and rejected most of my life. It started when I was about six years old, and my mom cheated on my dad with a teenage boy. She ended up leaving us to be with him in Tennessee. My dad got remarried right away, and I became really close to my step-mother. When I was 10 years old, I came home from school to find out that she had moved out. She left without even saying “good-bye”.
So my dad got remarried for the third time. The woman that he married was very hateful, so I begged to go and live with my mom. I was happy for awhile, but then my mom got a job as a prison guard and she started acting really strange at home.
One day, she said that we were moving to Nashville, because she was leaving her husband. She moved us into a tiny little trailer with a couple and their 2 children who were about my age. The kids smoked, drank and took drugs. Of course, they offered it to me, but I said “no”. Instead of pressuring me, they began to protect me. If their friends would offer it to me, they would say “No, she’s a good girl and we’re going to keep her that way.” I kept asking my mom who these people were and why were we staying with them. She finally told me after a few weeks that she had a new boyfriend, and these people were his family. The real shock was that he was in prison for murder. Well, to make a long story short—he escaped from prison and she left me there with his family while she and her new boyfriend went on the run.
I had no choice but to move back to Ohio to live with my dad and “the evil stepmother’. By now, I was 15 years old and after everything that had happened, I was pretty messed up. I was depressed, anxious, and nervous. I needed love, but lived in a house full of hate. Finally, I snapped, and I took an overdose of pills, trying to take my own life. My step-sister found me and got help. When I was in the intensive care unit, the first thing that I heard my dad say was: “I could kill her for doing this.” I looked at the nurse and said, “Just let me die”. I fell into unconsciousness again. When I awoke, I found my aunt sitting beside me, and she told me that she loved me. I could not believe it, I told her to stop lying to me.
A social worker began to visit me—she was sent by God. She started taking me to church and showed me the love that I so desperately wanted. After that, I decided to live for the future. I dreamed of being a wife and a mother, and finally having a happy home. At 18 years old, I got married and by 19 I had my beautiful baby girl.
My dreams came true. The years went by and I had 2 more kids. But still, I was living with the fear of being rejected again. After 13 years of marriage my fears were becoming a reality. I started to feel very lonely and unloved by my husband. I fell into depression and didn’t care about anything anymore. I took care of the kids and the house like a robot—as if in a daze. I went to church, but felt nothing.
Then one night during convention, there was an altar call. I went forward and renewed my relationship with God. After that, He began to prepare my heart for something terrible that would happen about a year later. That is when I found out that my husband was having an affair with our daughter’s best friend—she had just turned 15. At that moment, all of my fears hit me like a ton of bricks. Once again, I was abandoned, rejected, betrayed and alone. But this time I had God at my side. He reminded me of all those who love me and were there to help me. God wrapped me and my children in His arms and carried us through the storm. Through all of the pain and heartache, I realized something: I am never alone—God had always been there for me. He kept me safe the night that my mom ran off with a convicted murderer, and left me with strangers. He was there when I was a teenager starved for love and had kept me from trying to find love from all of the wrong people. He had kept me from turning to drugs and alcohol to dull my pain. And most importantly, He had saved my life after I tried to take it. He was there all along waiting with His arms wide open.
As much as I’ve been hurt by people, God has helped me to forgive them. He’s also taught me that sometimes He takes away so that He can give us something better. My something better is my new husband and another beautiful new baby. Life can be tough, but if we put our trust in God, we will never be alone.